Do you feel no matter how hard you aim for achieving your goals somehow you fail to hit the mark?
You know what you need to do but just don’t seem to be able to do it or you get so far along and then sabotage your efforts and don’t understand quite how or why?
Hi, I’m Bernice Fitzgibbon and I have been there many times.
All the ‘how-to’ information to achieve my goals, was embedded in my brain and importantly I had the desire. But each time I would get close, something would go wrong, or I would make a decision that deep down I knew wasn’t right.
I allowed myself to be swayed by the so-called experts always to my detriment. I didn’t have confidence in myself.
Why was this?
At 58 on the edge of an abyss having arrived in another country with my partner, plus 4 suitcases, $5000 dollars were about to venture into the unknown and start over again.
Having lost everything, home, business, investment properties and in debt for $50k it was frightening. The unknown always is daunting. With no prospects of any work we had to stay with my daughter because we simply couldn’t afford to rent.
Oscillating from feeling completely numb and in shock then switching to anger, fear, shame, guilt and grief, I definitely played the blame game, as I simply couldn’t bear to take responsibility for where I found myself.
Anxiety and depression were my closest friends, so I withdrew from my family, into my own sad world, which I said earlier, wasn’t the first time I found myself in a similar position.
One major distinction was glaring at me.
I had never been without a home or income.
Could things get worse? Oh hell yes!
Just as we were getting back on our feet again I found myself having difficulty gripping things or squeezing the eye drops that were used in the great job I found. I was a regular runner, which I did for stress relief. I started tripping over and finding my legs weren’t reacting to my commands.
Finally a neurologist did tests and found I had an auto-immune condition which was destroying the myelin sheaths (the coating around the nerve that increases the speed at which a nerve impulse can travel along the nerve) around the nerves supplying my legs, arms, hands and feet.
I’ve always found when I have identified my self-worth to what I can do, have, or had, that kept me strong, but losing the ability to run and do my job was the final blow.
Daily we hear stories of people who had a serious illness or were paralysed who became well again, say they might have lost their physical capabilities but they hadn’t lost their ability to use their mind.
That profound thought seemed at times cliché but not so now, because that’s where I found myself.
Giving up isn’t in my DNA even if making the same mistakes over and over again, appeared to be. I am a very strong-minded person and in the past whenever times got tough I always got back up again.
Why would I change now?
I was delighted when I gained back most of the sensation and movement in my arms and legs after my first lot of treatment, I still continued to have treatments once every 3 weeks at first then monthly until I was fully functioning.
That fast level of recovery apparently wasn’t the norm but my positive attitude and level of fitness was believed to be the basis for that success.
Many people have get onto that treadmill of repeating the same mistakes again and again, maybe not in the same form, but always end with the same outcome!
As a nurse I see so many people do just that and this saddens me. If you are drawing breath you can change your life.
During the time when I was unable to work I decided to put the time to studying and retraining. This way I could better understand how I could use my mind to change my life and get off this constant success then sabotage, success-sabotage wheel I was on. By doing this I could use the new knowledge and skills to help others achieve the same as I had.
I became an Accredited Inspired Spirit Life Coach, certified hypnotherapist and completed a Brain Science and Wellness Program through the Neuroscience Academy all to better understand how our brain works and how this knowledge can help us to improve our lives.