8 Warning Signs You Are Giving Away Your Power?

8 Warning Signs You Are Giving Away Your Power?

 

I doubt you would give up your most prized possessions to a complete stranger or even a friend or family member, but every day you give up your power when you allow someone to decide your future, your worth, or your state of mind.

If you have let someone decide what is right for you, or listened while they put you down, or allowed a person or situation decide your mood then you are giving away your power.

If you need to look for validation that you are okay then you have lost perspective on how wonderful you really are.

“The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any.”

 -Alice Walker

So what does it mean to give away your power?

Here are a list 7 things that are an indication you are “giving away your power.”

A need to prove you are worthy

This is when you constantly try and please others, perfecting, pretending to be someone you are not or proving yourself.  Examples of this are when you go out of your way to do something for someone just to get their approval because you don’t believe you are worthy of the love, and attention just the way you are. You spend forever getting things right.

You say you are fine when you aren’t and then you go about proving just how fine and capable you are again by going overboard on the people pleasing and getting everything perfect.

Not accepting or believing in yourself

 So if you put other people’s opinions before your own.  It’s okay to ask for advice but then you need to make up your own mind and not be swayed by others if it isn’t right for you just because you think they know better than you.

An example of this was when I was swayed to buy a property that went against all my rules for buying.  It wanted a doer-upper and flick on but instead I bought a property at auction for far more than I should.

It didn’t tick any of my boxes but because the real estate guy said it was a great buy I couldn’t go wrong I listened because he was the expert.

This property sold for less than I paid after doing it up.  This wasn’t the first time I had done this sort of thing but when I went with what I believed was right I was very rarely wrong.

Allowing toxic, relationships

 We all have those people in our lives that don’t bring out the best in us or worst still drain every bit of life out of us.

They can be anyone from family member, friend, colleague, anyone that doesn’t support you or who criticizes, belittles you, is negative.

If you allow this behaviour you are giving them space in your life that could be taken up by someone who is better suited to be there.  You are saying you are not worth being treated well or having positive supportive people in your life.  That is giving away your power.

Allowing Manipulation

This one I know well.  It is when you allow someone to manipulate you to get what they want.  It can be by aggression, put downs and belittling you, withholding their attention or affection or the guilt game, even flattery can be a form of manipulation if it is used to get their own way.   Any time you fail to stand up to them or make excuses for their behaviour you are giving away your power.

“Never give your power to another person”

-Oprah Winfrey

Allowing Your Inner Critic to Make Decision

If you are listening to your inner critic and allowing it to make decisions for you, you are giving away your power.

You know the one that says “you’re not good at that,” or “they won’t like me.”  It stops you from moving forward and paralyses you from making any worthwhile decisions about your future.  You remain stuck where you are.

Not Taking Action

This is when you have dreams and goals you want to fulfil but that is how they remain.  You make excuses why you can’t achieve them so you don’t have to put yourself outside your comfort zone.

It’s the “what if”…….. You are letting yourself down and giving away your power to fear by not taking action and being responsible for your life.

Being a Doormat

Sounds awful but it is when you are so passive that everyone walks all over you because you don’t set boundaries.

Don’t get me wrong being a passive person is okay some people are naturally that way.  It is when you are being wronged and you do nothing to stand up for yourself and your needs.

This shows a lack of confidence which others will play on. This is giving away your power.

The blame Game

This is when you don’t take responsibility for your own actions or lack of.  It is always someone, or something outside of you that is to blame.  This is a big power stealer.  You have just given up your power to change what is happening.  My father was very good at this as are so many people.  It is only by taking back your power that you can create change.

“When you blame others you give up your power to change.”

-Robert Anthony

To give away your power, you are giving away your ability to create your own reality. It is your gift to yourself and resides inside of you.

Why would you give someone else the power to decide your reality?  It doesn’t make sense.  You deserve better than that, so take charge and use your power to create a beautiful life for yourself and those around you.  You will thank yourself and others will thank you.

There is nothing more beautiful than a woman who stands strong and confident in her own power.

Detach Yourself Emotionally

Detach Yourself Emotionally

What does it mean to detach yourself emotionally?  For me, it is distancing myself from thoughts and feelings that create a negative reaction in my body.  It is reframing what I am thinking, to something that moves me away from the obsessive thoughts and emotions I am experiencing.  It doesn’t matter what the situation I’m obsessing over is. It is all about distancing myself from the negative emotions so I can move on.

What started me on this topic was a post I shared the other day which was entitled,

“4 Ways to Cope When Bad Things Happen” 

They were……

  1. Don’t take it personally
  2. Forget about asking why
  3. Remember it is temporary
  4. Detach yourself emotionally.

source-fb.com/AdvanceLifeSkills

It seemed by the response that, detaching yourself emotionally, was the hardest for most people to do so I thought I would look at this in more detail.

Why you have so much difficulty detaching yourself emotionally is because of your expectations of the situation and the outcome. You have different expectations for different situations.   It doesn’t matter what it is that you have an emotional attachment to, a partner, job, child, situation, you have an expectation or picture of what the outcome will look like.  When things don’t unfold the way you expect and you can’t do anything about it, you become upset, and internalize it, relating it to past experience, which then triggers a chain reaction of thoughts and emotions.  These thoughts and emotions are usually based on fear of loss, of uncertainty.

 

“The characteristics of emotional attachment are based in fear of loss of uncertainty.”

Here are 8 ways you can turn this around and they actually start by altering the order of the list so it reads Detach yourself emotionally by-

  1. Forget about asking why?

It has happened let it go! By constantly going over why it happened only reinforces the negative thoughts and feelings leading to a sense of powerlessness, anger, frustration, and grief.  Remember it is your thoughts that fuel your emotions and they can’t be relied upon to represent the true.  Your past history, beliefs have programmed your way of interpreting the situation.  It is the story you have told yourself.  You can rewrite your story.

“It has happened let it go.”

  1. Don’t take it personally.

It is your perception of the situation that fuels the emotional response and because it affects you emotionally you take it personally.  You only have your own point of reference which will be different to someone else.  It isn’t about you, it just seems that way from your point of view.  Try stepping outside yourself and your emotions and reframe the situation so it isn’t just about you.  Life doesn’t always turn out the way we want.  It may have nothing to do with you, it may be the state of the economy, or the person doesn’t love you the way you love them.

“Don’t take it personally It isn’t about you.”

  1. Remember it is only temporary.

This too will pass.” It is only temporary time moves on, people move on, and life moves on.  You too must be willing to move on.  The initial pain of loss and the uncertainty that comes with this will pass and heal with the passage of time. Acceptance of the situation, of your feelings and emotions while not focusing on them will help to let go of the attachment but it will take time and practice.

“Remember it is only temporary “this too will pass.”

  1. Acceptance

To detach emotionally requires acceptance of the situation, your thoughts, feelings, emotions, experience them but don’t focus on them. This doesn’t mean you try and push them out but to be more like an observer rather than a participant. Chat to them “oh so you have popped in again, thank-you for wanting to help but I am looking at other options now” or something to this effect.  When I had my breakdown and was suffering from panic attacks I would say; “great! Another one! This gave me more opportunities to practice acceptance and floating.”  It was this acceptance of what was happening without being attached to the outcome that ultimately got me through.

  1. Responsibility

You are responsible for your own development.  No one or nothing outside of you can take this away from you unless you allow it to happen.  This goes for your emotions.  You can’t give others the responsibility for you state of being.  Once you accept this it makes it a lot easier to detach yourself from outside influences and remain strong in any situation.

  1. Release

Be willing to let go!  It is the simple act of being willing to let go that will rewire the brain into different patterns of thinking.  By letting go of the situations and circumstances in your life you are releasing the attachment to the past which is based on a false sense of security.

  1. Focus on a New Awareness

Focus on new experiences you would like to have.  What you would like to achieve now you have this time.  Allow yourself to dream to look at all your possibilities.

  1. Self-esteem

How do you see yourself in this new light?  You need to take care of yourself and do things that make you feel good.  Don’t let the limitations of your past burden you down.  See yourself as a strong, independent, confident person.

Everything you experience has an emotional charge to it whether it is negative or positive will depend on your past experiences.

 

If you don’t separate your emotions from the situation, you’ll never learn from it.

You’ll attract the same problem over and over again waiting to be solved.”